Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
