Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
