hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
