Already got asked if we're dating
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
