I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
