i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
