My first STD was from a foam party
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
