I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
