i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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