i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Randomize
