I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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