Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Well I just put wine in my tea
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
