whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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