He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
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No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
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Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I'm really busy with my period
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