So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
