this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
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New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
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Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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