Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
