And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
