who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
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Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
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He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.