wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
