you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
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Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
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So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.