i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.