I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
