just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
