I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
as a side note pls kill me
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
