What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
