Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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