Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
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