Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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