shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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