There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
