hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Randomize
