I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Randomize