Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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