Don't make out with my wife yet
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
