my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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