Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
