I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
