Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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