I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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