How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
