Those balls look pretty dangerous.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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