u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
