There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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