she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
sarcasm needs its own font
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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