This gyro tastes like lonliness
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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