Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
worst night to have a conscience
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Randomize
