Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
