so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
We talked him into tasing himself.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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