You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
He better not be in your backpack
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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