Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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