I like to think it a success when the cops are called
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize
