we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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