There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
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