Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
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And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
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So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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