I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
