Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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