wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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