Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
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I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize