I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
