I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
