I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
