but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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