yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
