My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
you would pick up someone in the library
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
